So … You’re gay, tired of the hook-up scene, and ready to settle down. But, how does one go about finding the right guy in a world where everyone seems to be looking for meaningless sex? To be honest, it can be pretty brutal out there, especially for us gay guys. Let’s say you do find someone who is more interested in dating and getting to know you rather than a one night stand. Here are a few tips on how not to blow it.
1) Don’t Distract Yourself With Mobile Devices
We are all guilty of going out with our friends and checking our mobile devices incessantly. I have even gone out with a group of friends and noticed that all six of us were texting, instagraming, or posting Facebook updates at the same time rather than actually talking with each other. Doing this on a date is the kiss of death. Constantly checking your messages shows that you are not interested in the other person. If you aren’t willing to make your date the center of attention for a few hours, then what hope is there for any meaningful relationship?
2) Don’t Turn the Date In To Therapy
OMG! Shut the bleep up about how awful your job is or how terrible your ex was. Nobody is interested in spending a lot of time around someone who whines all the time. It’s one thing to briefly explain your relationship past or how you found yourself single, but to go on and on and on your last relationship or how much you hate your boss just shows that you are someone who thrives on negativity. It is a clear sign that you will probably always be a downer. Zip it.
3) Don’t Be A Snob/Pretentious
I know it's tough for us to put our snarky side away. But, a sure sign that you are not relationship material is if you look down your nose at others. Everyone makes mistakes. No one is perfect. If you try to act like you are better than everyone, you just make yourself look like a first rate jerk. Further, if you are on a date with someone who treats the wait staff poorly, run like hell!! If someone is willing to treat a stranger with such disrespect, imagine what they would do to someone they felt comfortable around.
4) Don’t Make Uninvited Sexual Advances
Lighthearted flirting on a first date is great. Kissing and holding hands is ok if there are clear signs coming from the other side. Remember, you are trying to find a relationship now, not just a quickie. Trying to show too much affection on the first date can often come across as creepy. And, talking about sex graphically can be just as offensive as making a clumsy sexual advance. In a January issue of Shape Magazine, Stephanie D. McKenzie, author of The Business of Dating, explains, "A first date is an opportunity to get to know the person in front of you, and that person will feel a bit violated if the conversation fast-forwards from your favorite food to your favorite position.”
5) Don’t Get Plastered
Nothing says loser quicker than someone who uses a first date as an opportunity to get drunk. Honestly, it’s revolting and shows poor character. Getting tanked pretty much ruins all chances for a second date.
Don’t be that guy.