4 Benefits to Staying Single

After getting married too young, well before it was legal in any state, and staying married five years too long, I have come to appreciate my single life. There is some real and legitimate comfort in being married, and one day I might like to make that commitment again. However, the numerous benefits of being single are too wonderful to ignore. Here are my top four.

4) Your Time Is Your Own

You don’t have anyone you have to take into consideration when making plans or report your whereabouts to.  If you want to up and go on a fun trip for a few days, you have that freedom. You can hike, shop, go out with friends, workout,  do anything you want without having to worry about leaving someone behind or worried that you will have to miss out or cancel because your significant other can’t get time off work or is on call.

3) Your Space Is Your Own

Living single you can do whatever you please in your own home. You don't have to explain to your friends that the framed, signed Katy Perry poster is not yours. There are no special throw pillows. You can go to the bathroom with the door open. You don't have to hide your porn. Stock the refrigerator full of beer and junk food. Watch what you want on T.V. It’s very liberating.

2) Rich and Varied Sex Life

I am by no means overly promiscuous, but I am not a monk either. Having a healthy dating life has lead to some interesting and unique sexual experiences. While married, the sex tapered off. Worse, when we were unhappy with each other, we were both ice cold and indifferent to each other in the bedroom. Being single makes sure this never happens. Each person I date brings something new and different into the bedroom. Different backgrounds, experience levels, likes and dislikes really keep a guy on his toes. I have seen more diversity and intrigue in four years of single life than I ever did while married.

1) It Allows You To Learn Who You Are

So, the best part of being single has been learning a good deal about myself, both good and bad. Through dating and interacting with different people, I have a much better understanding of what I want in a relationship and out of life. As a single person, if something was not working out for me, I had the freedom to express myself and move on in search of something that did work for me. I did not have this skill set when I was married.  I am much better prepared to recognize the traits and qualities that I like and need to look for in a potential future spouse.  Being single has given me invaluable life experience that will ultimately make me a better spouse in return.

PS: Don’t get a titanium wedding band.  You can’t unload them anywhere if the relationship ends.

4 Fun Ways to Delay Orgasm!

Maybe a bit too often after sex, my partner has commented that when finally getting to intercourse, I don’t last quite as long as either of us would like. Of course, my standard explanation is that he is so incredibly hot and amazing in bed that sometimes I just can’t help myself. But, the sad truth is, I just am not lasting as long as I probably should. So, I started doing research on simple techniques and quick changes in my behavior that might make me last longer. To my surprise, implementing them was more fun than I could have ever hoped.

1) Practice by masturbating. 

Bring yourself to the brink of orgasm then firmly squeeze the tip of your penis. This is completely painless and it temporarily reverses the blood flow, relieving the desire to ejaculate. This technique is attributed to Masters & Johnson. It is suggested that you bring yourself close three times and allow yourself to finally release on the fourth. After a few weeks, I was able to last an additional twenty to thirty minutes in bed. Also, this works in a pinch if you are with your partner and feel like you are going to blow too early.

2) Put the condom back on. 

Sure being in a committed relationship is great, especially if there is no risk of STIs. But, such wonderful skin to skin contact feels so darn great, that it is a huge contributing factor to finishing too quickly. So, if you want to reduce the sensitivity, wrap it back up.

3) Pace yourself. 

Sure once you get going, sometimes you just want to let it out full throttle. But, the faster you rev your engines, the faster you get to your destination. Slow to medium strokes will allow you to make it last and probably make your partner feel a whole lot more sensation too.

4) Avoid too much foreplay. 

Read carefully. This does not mean cut the foreplay out. It just means that if you have a sensual and seductive hour of foreplay, chances are you are going to be so excited that once intercourse begins, you are already more than half way there. Cutting this time in half might just considerably increase your ability to last.

Foreplay Rule #1: Foot Massage Leads to Sizzling Sex!

There are over 36,000 nerve endings in the human foot. And, according to the American Massage Therapy Association, you can use the feet to reach pretty much any part of the body. For example, the heel helps with stimulation of the back, while the arches help with the legs. According to tantric sex experts Mark Michaels and Patricia Johnson, the soles of feet on men are a huge erogenous zone. Stimulating this area can lead to intense sexual feelings and will make any night of passion sizzle even more.

The part of the brain that activated by the nerve endings in the soles of men’s feet is directly next to the part of the brain activated by the nerve endings in the penile region of the body. The two are very closely associated with each other.

So next time you are just hanging out on the couch together, grab your partner’s feet and give them a massage. Spend lots of time on each individual area: toes, soles, arches, heels. I promise you will have a mind-blowing evening.

The Pitfalls of Spicy Food and Oral Sex! (It's Not Just Bad Breath)

So, it’s date night. You want to impress. Taking a lover to a nice restaurant is always a nice treat. But, maybe, if you think you have a chance of getting lucky, and are inclined towards oral pleasure, you might want to skip the Mexican and Indian restaurants in favor of more bland fare.

It is true that spicy food increases sexual desire. In a 2011 article in The State Hornet, reporter Brittany Bradley and Dr. Diana Hoppe, author of “Healthy Sex Drive, Healthy You,” explain that spicy foods contain capsaicin. Bradley writes, “Eating foods that contain capsaicin release adrenalin, which in turn releases endorphins. These chemicals contribute to a feel-good sensation that can create a, eh em, happy feeling. It's also great for your metabolism, making you feel sexy about what you’re eating, increasing confidence and yep, making you want to do the deed.”

However, scientists and doctors alike warn that capsaicin can be stored in ones’ mouth for quite some time. When your mouth comes in contact with a lover’s genitals, the capsaicin can easily be transferred and the tingling, burning sensation your guy feels will most likely not be pleasure. Your habanero peach chutney might just cause your boyfriend to spend some time cooling off their nether region.

Simple solution…I will just go brush my teeth and use mouthwash!

Not so fast there bucko…
The current rule of thumb is to wait at least two hours before or after oral sex to brush your teeth and use mouthwash. In a Chicago Now article titled “Oral Sex and the Risk of HIV and STIs,” writer Just Joey gives us some sobering food for thought. "DO NOT brush your teeth, floss or use mouthwash two hours before or after oral sex. The reason for this is that you are creating cuts, abrasions and inflammation of your gums. These open portals create a welcome mat for bacteria such as Gonorrhea to enter your system. Even mouthwash, with its burning action, can create inflammation of the gums which allows bacteria to enter easier.”

So, it seems spicy food might be a double edged sword. On the one hand, it increases libido. On the other hand, it creates a few precarious concerns. Maybe I will get the roasted chicken and baked potato instead.

-Top photo by MoutonRebelle used under Creative Commons License.

Bringing Up Condoms - 5 Helpful Ideas (From Hot Shirtless Hunks)!

We all know condoms are important. Yet, a lot of us chose to ignore this and engage in risky sexual activity outside of a monogamous relationship.  Who knows why? Maybe we had too much to drink. Maybe we mistakenly chose to trust the person we are with at the time. Maybe we are all a little self-destructive. Maybe it just feels better.

We all know the stats about HIV and STIs being more prevalent in the gay community. We all know that HIV infection is on the rise again in those under 30 and that gay men make up 72% of all syphilis cases. As gay men, we hear about these things almost non-stop.  So, let’s skip the statistics and get right down to pictures of hot guys.

Here are our ideas on how to bring up condoms.

1) The Direct Approach

2) Make It Fun

3) Say It Turns You On To Lend A Hand

4) Bring It Up Casually

5) Lay Down the Law

-Condom photo courtesy of

stockmedia.cc / stockarch.com / CC BY 3.0

5 Important First Date Don'ts!!

So … You’re gay, tired of the hook-up scene, and ready to settle down. But, how does one go about finding the right guy in a world where everyone seems to be looking for meaningless sex? To be honest, it can be pretty brutal out there, especially for us gay guys. Let’s say you do find someone who is more interested in dating and getting to know you rather than a one night stand. Here are a few tips on how not to blow it.

1) Don’t Distract Yourself With Mobile Devices
We are all guilty of going out with our friends and checking our mobile devices incessantly. I have even gone out with a group of friends and noticed that all six of us were texting, instagraming, or posting Facebook updates at the same time rather than actually talking with each other. Doing this on a date is the kiss of death. Constantly checking your messages shows that you are not interested in the other person. If you aren’t willing to make your date the center of attention for a few hours, then what hope is there for any meaningful relationship?

2) Don’t Turn the Date In To Therapy
OMG! Shut the bleep up about how awful your job is or how terrible your ex was. Nobody is interested in spending a lot of time around someone who whines all the time. It’s one thing to briefly explain your relationship past or how you found yourself single, but to go on and on and on your last relationship or how much you hate your boss just shows that you are someone who thrives on negativity. It is a clear sign that you will probably always be a downer. Zip it.

3) Don’t Be A Snob/Pretentious
I know it's tough for us to put our snarky side away. But, a sure sign that you are not relationship material is if you look down your nose at others. Everyone makes mistakes. No one is perfect. If you try to act like you are better than everyone, you just make yourself look like a first rate jerk. Further, if you are on a date with someone who treats the wait staff poorly, run like hell!! If someone is willing to treat a stranger with such disrespect, imagine what they would do to someone they felt comfortable around.

4) Don’t Make Uninvited Sexual Advances
Lighthearted flirting on a first date is great. Kissing and holding hands is ok if there are clear signs coming from the other side. Remember, you are trying to find a relationship now, not just a quickie. Trying to show too much affection on the first date can often come across as creepy. And, talking about sex graphically can be just as offensive as making a clumsy sexual advance. In a January issue of Shape Magazine, Stephanie D. McKenzie, author of The Business of Dating, explains, "A first date is an opportunity to get to know the person in front of you, and that person will feel a bit violated if the conversation fast-forwards from your favorite food to your favorite position.”

5) Don’t Get Plastered
Nothing says loser quicker than someone who uses a first date as an opportunity to get drunk. Honestly, it’s revolting and shows poor character. Getting tanked pretty much ruins all chances for a second date.
Don’t be that guy.

I Am In A Relationship...Is It Ok To Masturbate?

I know first hand how contentious of an issue this can be. In one long term relationship, my partner was pretty much furious with me for daring to jerk-off to internet porn during the day while he was at work. In another relationship, if we were both tired, we would each be on our own computers furiously pumping away.

So, the big question is…is masturbation a sign that something is wrong with a marriage or serious relationship? 

Good news! The answer by the experts is a resounding NO! It is perfectly normal and even beneficial to relationships. And according to Dr. Michael Ashworth, Ph.D, research even shows that people who masturbate frequently have more (and more satisfying ) sex.

Ashworth explains, “Sometimes people feel that if everything was perfect in a sexual relationship, then neither partner would “need” to masturbate. Nothing could be further from the truth. Simply put, good sex begets more good sex — in all its forms. In fact, many couples masturbate together and find it a very enjoyable part of their relationship.”

Further, despite a popular misconception, masturbation most definitely doesn't count as cheating, explains noted sex educator Dr. Laura Berman. “If masturbation is something your partner doesn’t support or believe in, then that is something you certainly should discuss with him. Again, look for where those beliefs come from and what he finds threatening. Does he have religious beliefs that seem to conflict with masturbation, or does he feel intimidated or ashamed by the act itself? If it’s the latter, it’s important to talk to him and put his mind at ease.”

Berman also backs up the notion that masturbation improves your sex life. “I always say that sex works on a “use it or lose it” basis, and this is why masturbation can be an invaluable tool for couples. It can keep those sexual feelings going and it can keep circulation flowing to your hot spots, all of which translates into better and more frequent sex for you and your partner.”

So don’t feel guilty about taking a few moments to pleasure yourself. It’s perfectly healthy and in many cases, improves your overall sex life! Have at it!

Three Big Signs You Should Find A New Guy!

Maya Angelou had it 100% correct in her famous quote: “Never make someone a priority when all you are to them is an option.” If the person you have been seeing for a short while exhibits any of these three behaviors, you owe it to yourself to move on to someone who will treat you and your burgeoning relationship with dignity and respect.


1) Never Makes Firm Plans
I’m sure everyone has been here before. We meet someone we kind of like, kind of think is cute, kind of would like to get to know better. We have already been on a few dates with this person so we ask “hey, do you want to get together this weekend?” If their answer is along the lines of “maybe that could work” or “possibly, let me get back to you after I see what my weekend looks like,” then it should be clear that this person is not really all that interested in you. If they have to wait and see if their better options fall through before committing to you, there is zero hope that this relationship will ever be anything worthwhile. Do yourself a favor and break it off now. Or, better yet, find another date. That way when they come to you Friday afternoon to see if you want to do something, you can tell them you have other plans.

2) Not Introducing You Around
If you have been out more than a few times and you have never met any of his/her friends, that could be a bad sign. Sure the first few dates we all want to be alone with the person we are seeing. But after that, it only stands to reason that you would incidentally run into a friend, roommate, co-worker, acquaintance out on the town or in the neighborhood somewhere. If it becomes clear that you have not been introduced to anyone they know, it might be time to find someone new. On a similar note, if you are out in public and they run into someone they know and don’t introduce you as a common courtesy, never go out with this person again. They either don’t want to introduce you or they are just being exceedingly rude. Either way, this is not to be tolerated. Find someone better.

3) No Public Affection
People who are happily dating smile, hold hands, touch each other, bump into each other while walking. It’s cute. It’s sweet. It makes you smile when you see other people behaving this way. If you have been out more than a few times and your date is showing no interest in touching you in public (especially if they touch you in private), then they are not worthy of your time and energy. Walk away. Yes, some people are shy and quiet and reserved. Your gut instincts will let you know when it’s more than that. If you try to hold their hand and they find a way out of it, or drop it when others are around, that will tell you everything you need to know.

Why Does My Boyfriend's Penis Stink?!!

Ok. Start rejoicing. We are going to have a frank conversation about this seemingly silly subject. Too many of us have suffered in silence over our man’s junk either being too funky smelling or, worse, smelling (or, gag me, tasting) like fish. On more than one occasion I have gone to service a lover only to be turned back by an unpleasant odor, and that is putting it mildly.

The primary and most obvious reason for genital odor is poor hygiene, especially among the uncircumcised. Easy fix. If you don’t feel like embarrassing your boyfriend, simply suggest you take a sexy shower together and wash his private parts for him in a playful seductive manner. But, ultimately, if this is an ongoing problem, you might want to gently let him know his cleanliness is not up to par and it’s turning you off. Uncircumcised men need to be sure to pull the foreskin all the way back and wash the head of the penis at least twice a day.

However, there can be more serious reasons for odor. If your man washes on a regular basis and the smell keeps returning quickly, it could be a number of medical conditions. Ongoing smells can be the result of an ongoing bacterial or yeast infection. Also, Urinary Tract Infections can cause the urine to smell and as a result make the penis itself smell. If there is a persistent odor, a visit to the doctor might be in order. Also, more drastically, a fishy smelling penis can be a serious sign of diabetes called Ketonuria. But only a doctor can let you know for sure.

So, if your boyfriend is fastidious in nature about his personal hygiene and continues to smell, drag him in to a visit to the physician. No sense in both of you suffering in silence. If he is just a dirty bastard, cut him off until he cleans up his act.