I Am In A Relationship...Is It Ok To Masturbate?

I know first hand how contentious of an issue this can be. In one long term relationship, my partner was pretty much furious with me for daring to jerk-off to internet porn during the day while he was at work. In another relationship, if we were both tired, we would each be on our own computers furiously pumping away.

So, the big question is…is masturbation a sign that something is wrong with a marriage or serious relationship? 

Good news! The answer by the experts is a resounding NO! It is perfectly normal and even beneficial to relationships. And according to Dr. Michael Ashworth, Ph.D, research even shows that people who masturbate frequently have more (and more satisfying ) sex.

Ashworth explains, “Sometimes people feel that if everything was perfect in a sexual relationship, then neither partner would “need” to masturbate. Nothing could be further from the truth. Simply put, good sex begets more good sex — in all its forms. In fact, many couples masturbate together and find it a very enjoyable part of their relationship.”

Further, despite a popular misconception, masturbation most definitely doesn't count as cheating, explains noted sex educator Dr. Laura Berman. “If masturbation is something your partner doesn’t support or believe in, then that is something you certainly should discuss with him. Again, look for where those beliefs come from and what he finds threatening. Does he have religious beliefs that seem to conflict with masturbation, or does he feel intimidated or ashamed by the act itself? If it’s the latter, it’s important to talk to him and put his mind at ease.”

Berman also backs up the notion that masturbation improves your sex life. “I always say that sex works on a “use it or lose it” basis, and this is why masturbation can be an invaluable tool for couples. It can keep those sexual feelings going and it can keep circulation flowing to your hot spots, all of which translates into better and more frequent sex for you and your partner.”

So don’t feel guilty about taking a few moments to pleasure yourself. It’s perfectly healthy and in many cases, improves your overall sex life! Have at it!

Three Big Signs You Should Find A New Guy!

Maya Angelou had it 100% correct in her famous quote: “Never make someone a priority when all you are to them is an option.” If the person you have been seeing for a short while exhibits any of these three behaviors, you owe it to yourself to move on to someone who will treat you and your burgeoning relationship with dignity and respect.


1) Never Makes Firm Plans
I’m sure everyone has been here before. We meet someone we kind of like, kind of think is cute, kind of would like to get to know better. We have already been on a few dates with this person so we ask “hey, do you want to get together this weekend?” If their answer is along the lines of “maybe that could work” or “possibly, let me get back to you after I see what my weekend looks like,” then it should be clear that this person is not really all that interested in you. If they have to wait and see if their better options fall through before committing to you, there is zero hope that this relationship will ever be anything worthwhile. Do yourself a favor and break it off now. Or, better yet, find another date. That way when they come to you Friday afternoon to see if you want to do something, you can tell them you have other plans.

2) Not Introducing You Around
If you have been out more than a few times and you have never met any of his/her friends, that could be a bad sign. Sure the first few dates we all want to be alone with the person we are seeing. But after that, it only stands to reason that you would incidentally run into a friend, roommate, co-worker, acquaintance out on the town or in the neighborhood somewhere. If it becomes clear that you have not been introduced to anyone they know, it might be time to find someone new. On a similar note, if you are out in public and they run into someone they know and don’t introduce you as a common courtesy, never go out with this person again. They either don’t want to introduce you or they are just being exceedingly rude. Either way, this is not to be tolerated. Find someone better.

3) No Public Affection
People who are happily dating smile, hold hands, touch each other, bump into each other while walking. It’s cute. It’s sweet. It makes you smile when you see other people behaving this way. If you have been out more than a few times and your date is showing no interest in touching you in public (especially if they touch you in private), then they are not worthy of your time and energy. Walk away. Yes, some people are shy and quiet and reserved. Your gut instincts will let you know when it’s more than that. If you try to hold their hand and they find a way out of it, or drop it when others are around, that will tell you everything you need to know.